Since COVID-19 hit the world, people have been cooped up in their homes trying to find ways to stay entertained. Turning to work Zooms, homemade crafts, and even cooking crazes can only last so long. So what happens when people want to explore fun things while staying safe in their home? They turn to something that’s been there since the start — the internet! More specifically, the online gaming community.
Why has online gaming gained so much traction in popular media?
Online gaming has been on the rise since the pandemic started; and the industry has been able to thrive in these trying times. It allows people to stay in touch while having an outlet for the stress many of us are facing. Stress can be relieved in a peaceful way, like managing an island or town in games like Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley, or it can be controlled in more active games like Valorant and Among Us.
The popularity doesn’t only come in being able to play these games, but also the ability to stream them for others to watch. Gaming streamers have been a huge part in certain games taking the spotlight on various social media sites like Twitter, YouTube, and even TikTok.
With such a huge and growing variety of options, online gaming has taken more than just teens by storm. TechJury’s collected stats state that in 2020 the average age of a gamer is 34, and around 60% of Americans play video games. This means it’s never too late to pick it up if you’re on the hunt for a new hobby.
With the internet being as accessible as it is nowadays, the selection of gaming technology has grown immensely. From consoles like Xbox and PlayStation to laptops and cellphones, games are accessible on pretty much anything with an internet connection. This has allowed the gaming community to grow rapidly without too many issues of obtainability. The real struggle comes down to how much do you want to invest in your favorite game?
The answer to this question is surprisingly easy. You simply have to play games and call yourself a “gamer”. While the community is sometimes known for being toxic and having a lot of gatekeepers, don’t let that keep you from having fun! Being a “gamer” is quite literally described as someone who plays games. There aren’t set rules for how many games you have to play or a style you have to play to fit into the category, despite what some might say. There isn’t even a required setup to be a “gamer”. You can play on whatever you want, there’s plenty of wiggle room. The only requirements are that you have to have fun and use the “gamer” label when you want to.
Online gaming could easily continue growing, even as the pandemic ends. With many people picking up streaming, there are plenty of aspects and platforms to explore in the gaming community.
What will be the next “big thing” in the gaming community?
Growing up, I thought I was “normal.” Whatever that means.
Basically, I thought I was a heterosexual cisgender female.
My parents discouraged dating until I was serious about it potentially resulting in marriage. I had no desire for marriage; therefore, I did not see the point in dating. Oftentimes, my friends tried to pressure me and my male friends to confess that we had feelings for one another; and over time, I started to believe that I actually did. I believed that I wanted to grow up, fall in love with one of these boys, and get married. That’s what happened in the movies, so I thought it was real.
Most of the time, kids think dating and kissing are gross; but by the time puberty hits, everyone seems to only care about dating, having their first kiss, or losing their virginity. Well, the opposite thing happened to me. When I was a teenager, I realized I didn’t care about boys as much as the girls around me did. However, I also did not care about the girls.
While I started to realize not just an indifference but almost a repulsion towards intimacy, my friends were letting their hormones get the best of them.
My guy friends would attempt to find any socially-acceptable way to get close to me; whether it was through hugging or casually brushing up against me. I avoided this as much as I could and vocally expressed my discomfort. Many told me that I would have to get used to it if I was ever going to get married. I insisted that that was not going to be a problem because I did not want to get married. Their response? You’ll change your mind.
After conversations with people who were convinced that no man could survive being a virgin, I was provoked to research well-known, accomplished individuals who were known to practice celibacy. This led me to discover another term: asexual or “ace.”
In my research, I found persons throughout history who may not have necessarily practiced celibacy for religious reasons as many believe. Instead, they were asexuals; persons who either have complete lack of interest in sex or are even disgusted by it. To put it simply, sex turns you off instead of on. Finding a term to identify what I had been feeling and also realizing that there were other people like me just made me feel not alone.
Still, when I was realizing my sexual identity or… lack of it, asexuality was often cast aside.
Although the term “LGBT” has always been representative of a diverse and inclusive community; it still made a lot of people, like me, feel excluded. Eventually, Q was added to sort of please everyone as it represented “queer” or “questioning”. However, “I” (intersex) and “A” (asexual) have since been added along with a plus sign to represent more sexualities and gender identities. Even then, many believe the “A” is for ally, an advocate for a group other than their own.
Asexual – A broad spectrum of sexual orientations generally characterized by feeling varying degrees of sexual attraction or a desires for partnered sexuality. Asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity, despite sexual desire. Some asexual people do have sex and do experience varying levels of sexual attraction. (LGBTQIA Resource Center)
With the L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+ community continuing to grow, it’s important that we all recognize and understand each other’s identities. According to the LGBTQIA Resource Center, here is an abbreviated glossary:
Androgyne – A person with a gender that is both masculine and feminine or in between masculine and feminine.
Aromantic – A romantic orientation generally characterized by not feeling romantic attraction or a desire for romance. Aromantic people can be satisfied by friendship and other non-romantic relationships. Many aromantic people also identify with a sexual orientation, such as asexual, bisexual, etc.
Bisexual – A person whose primary sexual and affectional orientation is toward people of the same and other genders, or towards people regardless of their gender. Some people may use bisexual and pansexual interchangeably.
Cisgender – A gender identity, or performance in a gender role, that society deems to match the person’s assigned sex at birth. The prefix cis- means “on this side of” or “not across”. A term used to highlight the privilege of people who are not transgender.
Demisexual – A sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population; and some have little to no interest in sexual activity. Demisexuals are considered to be on the asexual spectrum.
Gay – A sexual and affectional orientation toward people of the same gender.
Gender Fluid/Genderfluid – A person whose gender identification and presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal, gender-based expectations. Being fluid in motion between two or more genders.
Gender Non-conforming (GNC) – Adjective for people who do not subscribe to societal expectations of typical gender expressions or roles. The term is more commonly used to refer to gender expression (how one behaves, acts, and presents themselves to others) as opposed to gender identity (one’s internal sense of self).
Heteronormativity – Attitudes and behaviors that incorrectly assume gender is binary, ignoring genders besides women and men; and that people should and will align with conventional expectations of society for gender identity, gender expression, and sexual and romantic attraction.
Intersex – An umbrella term to describe a wide range of natural body variations that do not fit neatly into conventional definitions of male or female. Intersex variations may include, but are not limited to, variations in chromosome compositions, hormone concentrations, and external and internal characteristics.
Lesbian – Usually, a woman whose primary sexual and affectional orientation is toward people of the same gender. However, some nonbinary people also identify as lesbians, often because they have some connection to womanhood and are primarily attracted to women. (See nonbinary below)
Nonbinary – A gender identity and experience that embraces a full universe of expressions and ways of being that resonate for an individual; moving beyond the male/female gender binary. It may be an active resistance to binary gender expectations and/or an intentional creation of new unbounded ideas of self within the world.
Pansexual, Omnisexual – Terms used to describe people who have romantic, sexual or affectional desire for people of all genders and sexes. Has some overlap with bisexuality and polysexuality (not to be confused with polyamory).
Polysexual – People who have romantic, sexual, or affectional desire for more than one gender. Not to be confused with polyamory. Has some overlap with bisexuality and pansexuality.
Queer – One definition of queer is abnormal or strange. Historically, queer has been used as an epithet/slur against people whose gender, gender expression and/or sexuality do not conform to dominant expectations…Not all people who identify as LGBTQIA use “queer” to describe themselves. The term is often considered hateful when used by those who do not identify as LGBTQIA.
Questioning – The process of exploring one’s own gender identity, gender expression, and/or sexual orientation. Some people may also use this term to name their identity within the LGBTQIA community.
Transgender – An adjective used most often as an umbrella term and frequently abbreviated to “trans”. Identifying as transgender, or trans, means that one’s internal knowledge of gender is different from conventional or cultural expectations based on the sex that person was assigned at birth.
Nonetheless, asexuality is still misunderstood and underrepresented among other sexual orientations and identities. Asexuals are such a small percentage in the LGBTQIA+ community (about 1% of the population) that they are often overlooked. Many people, both heterosexuals and even those in the LGBTQIA+ community, do not believe asexual is legitimate. It’s difficult for those who experience sexual attraction to believe that others can live without sex. Or may not even want it at all.
Cole Sprouse as Jughead Jones in Riverdale (CW)
The CW Network is a proponent of LGBTQIA+ representation in their TV shows. Riverdale features characters who are gay, lesbian, and bisexual. Despite Jughead Jones being asexual in Archie Comics, it appears that the show’s creators have decided to ignore this aspect of the character. Hopefully, Jughead can come to discover his asexuality later. Cole Sprouse, who plays Jughead, and show creator Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa have both hinted that the character may eventually discover it. If so, it would be long-overdue ace representation for TV. Because Jughead has a girlfriend on the show, it could also prove to be an interesting and moving storyline as it deals with the fact that you can be asexual and still love someone.
Continuing to see lots of positive representation in entertainment for the rest of the community, but not asexual, is just another reminder that there is still more work to do before we are accepted even among our friends.
One thing I really love about my asexuality is that it allows me to be a better friend to my friends who are also in the community. I believe that if I were not asexual, I could not have true empathy for those who share with me not just the joys but also the struggles and hardships of being “different”. Although this community is diverse, we have similar experiences that allow us to understand and relate to one another better. While I’m still learning how to accept and love myself, this exploration has definitely helped me be able to love more sincerely.
As fall approaches, I’m reflecting on the rave otherwise known as Summer. It’s been a season of record-breaking global heatwaves, full-powered megastar world tours, and a mass return to “outside.” Hot Girl Summer — the femme-centered rallying call to play, do what we want, and care for our overall well-being — skyrocketed. However, even as temperatures continue to surge, the jovial energy slowly wanes as we prepare trade swimsuits for sweaters and take our wanderlust to the Great Indoors.
I’ve been in deep thought about what lessons this much, much hotter than normal summer has brought me. How has it deepened my relationship to my own self-care? How can I carry those lessons forward in the coming months? If we’re able to keep Hot Girl Summer energy flowing, we can build practices that not only make us feel our best and freest during one season, but year-round, too.
What can be said about the way summer makes the soul feel?
Warmth, laughter, and adventure are the persistent themes of this mid-year pause. It’s when the world takes a break from learning, working, and so much doing to put our best foot forward in organizing, planning, and manifesting fun. For many, summer provides a short reprieve from everyday life, but the sun and fun doesn’t have to end there. We can be intentional in our reflections of the past summer. Then, we can use what we glean to summon fiery and energetic vibes that suit our mind, body, and spirit. As we bundle up and embrace the coziness of autumn, we can still find ways to get sun on our faces even if only for a short while.
Ask: How can we commit to letting joy and relaxation be our compass when our bodies want stillness, comfort, and solitude? There’s a seam we can find in those conversations with ourselves. We can commit ourselves to not just a “summer body” but to whatever body supports us best for the dreams and work we’re carrying forward in any time of year. I’m thinking about planning beach trips abroad when it’s anything but warm at home (virtual or video game counts, too). We can intuit ways to inject lightheartedness and play in our everyday. Especially so, on dreary days when we could use a little cheer. If summer feels good to you in any way, it’s beneficial to get into the details of what elements you love and plant them in as many aspects of life as possible.
The heat of this summer inspired thoughts around what it means to be on a planet that’s slowly but surely warming up. As Earth’s cycles and weather patterns change, I think creatively and holistically about what it means to establish personal and sustainable life cycles for ourselves, our community, and global well-being. Summer is when we bask in the beauty of this place we call home, admiring the verdant landscapes, the clear blue of the ocean, and fiery orange sunsets. How much more can we deepen our gratitude for the grays and cool pastels of fall and winter? What does caring for the planet and ourselves look like while indoors?
I’m journaling to see what ideas come forward. The shiniest nuggets of my reflections came to me while sitting in my backyard on the slightly cooler days. (Can the mid-90s be considered cool?) In them emerged my new mantras and how I plan to embody Hot Girl Summer long after the days get shorter:
Plant the seeds of new experiences throughout the year.
I can find the sun even when I can’t see it. (Reminder to myself when SAD kicks in hard.)
I wear white whenever I want!
Energy is all around me.
Baddie season is forever.
Resting IS fun.
…and the list goes on…
As we take our books and mags from poolside to fireside, let’s not leave our penchant for glee in the sand. Keep vitality. Keep merrymaking. Bring the best parts of summer with you always. Stretch the party out for as long as you can, extending the magic of summer wherever you need it most.
In all seasons, we can embrace the mundanity of every day, relish in it, and sprinkle sun and vibrancy into it where it may appear dull.
We may trade our flirty cocktails for toddies and teas, but it doesn’t mean the time for fun and taking the best care of ourselves is ending. Each season change only marks a new beginning; one we can always be ready for when we approach it with curiosity and intention.
If Hot Girl Summer is merely the loud-but-unbothered cue to double-down on the self-care practices that make us feel like ThatGirl when we step out for a night we won’t forget; then nothing is stopping us from keeping that same energy throughout the entire year. From that viewpoint, a Hot Girl Summer never really ends.
How great would it be to have all the time in the world to do everything you like? Imagine being able to sleep through your alarm, and only have to focus on creating all day. Maybe you want to catch up on all the movies and TV shows you missed while you were busy? You could do that, too! However, the fact of the matter is that life gets in the way. At times, even our mind and mood can work against us. It’s hard finding space to enjoy your hobbies and interests when there’s so much to do. There are moments when simply relaxing can be a struggle.
The good news is that there are ways to prioritize your interests within the chaos of everyday life. Organized or otherwise. By being intentional in your desire to pursue your hobbies, you can reclaim your time and find room to create. The following tips aren’t the only methods to accomplish it, but they’ll certainly help you get started.
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Know that your interests won’t spontaneously spawn in front of you
One of the best things you can do for yourself is learn what you like to do. Unfortunately, these activities don’t appear out of thin air. You actually have to be proactive, get out (or stay in), and give them a try. Immerse yourself in spaces where your interest thrives, including communities, events, and media. It’s important to make the time because you may not get to really enjoy it otherwise.
Stay curious and look for learning opportunities
Making time with your interests is often just doing things you already know and love. But part of the fun is also stretching yourself to start a hobby you haven’t tried to pick up new skills and knowledge. It naturally provides a great way to set goals and ensure you make time for your new interest. To learn something, you have to practice it. Whether you’re a musician who wants to learn how to use beat machine equipment to enhance your compositions or you want to master a new yoga position, pushing yourself further can make your interests more exciting.
Work around your natural energy cycles
Whether you’re a morning lark, night owl, or somewhere in between, you may find that certain times of the day are better or worse for different tasks. Perhaps you can handle analytical thinking in the morning and abstract thinking later in the day — or vice versa. Think about how you feel during various times of the day, the month, and even during the seasons of the year.
Sometimes, it really comes down to the spirit being willing, but the mind or body isn’t able; and it’s okay to honor that. Plan your projects to take advantage of your body’s natural rhythms. Doing so will help you feel more satisfied during your time creating and after you’ve finished your projects.
For those who menstruate: You may find that you have weeks during your cycle when you’re more energized and have greater clarity of mind. Consider placing more energy intensive aspects of your project during this time.
Document and refine your creative process
It’s only natural to want to vibe and do your thing, but keeping track of your creative process helps more than you think. By setting up a game plan, you’ll know what it takes for you to get into the right mindset and what you need to prep. It will solidify a process you can rely on even when you don’t feel like creating. Additionally, it helps to form an awareness of your supplies, such as where they are and how much you have. That way, you’ll know what needs to be replaced when the time comes. This framework may or may not change over time.
At base level, the key is to build up consistency in the static parts of your creative process. Then, when you go to create, you’ll be free to actually create. It’s no fun burning through your juice while trying to overcome the same obstacles blocking your flow state.
Have fun, and stay safe
Taking a deep dive into your hobbies and interests is a fun way to pass the time. It can also help to ensure that you save room for yourself to pursue your passions. However, that valuable time can become comprised if you have to spend some of it solving unexpected problems. Although most of us will remain safe when pursuing hobbies, it is best to know how to stay as safe as possible when doing so.
Keep your technology at minimal risk of viruses
For what it’s worth, online gaming and streaming your favorite series totally counts as a hobby. While safe in general, if you have to get a little creative in order to catch up on an epic C-drama or anime, it could put your computer at risk for a virus. However, there are trustworthy ways to binge-watch in comfort without causing damage to your tech. For instance, if you’re an anime fan, you could access the best anime torrent sites to watch any series you’ve been missing. Plus, by using a safe torrent website, you can rest assured your technology is protected.
If your hobby involves exercise, don’t overdo it.
Never let your hobbies and interests hurt you. If you love to exercise and play sports, push yourself, but try to not overwork yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when too much is too much, so listen to your body as much as you can to ensure your safety.
Incorporate “Power Hours” for hobbies and interests
Borrow a technique from the writing and tech worlds: Sprints. It’s when you focus on efficiently accomplishing as much as possible on a project, distraction-free, for a specified amount of time. Power hours don’t have to be an hour; they can be shorter. Maybe you take fifteen minutes to “brain dump” ideas for your project. Or, set aside an hour to rough sketch as many panels as possible for the comic book you’re working on.
Try expanding your sprint to focus on a particular task within a larger project that may take more than a few hours to complete. Schedule your power hours over the course of a few days, and only focus on that task of the project (and nothing else) during them until it’s completed. The goal is to set enough time aside for meaningful work in a way that doesn’t feel burdensome to the rest of your day.
Don’t blow your budget
Although you can spend all of your time and energy on your favorite hobbies, you can’t afford to spend all of your money on them. Therefore, it’s essential that you pursue your hobbies and interests without putting your finances at risk. For instance, while painting is affordable, investing in all of the tools and equipment all at once might not fit into your monthly budget. Or if you’re into collecting action figures, you’ll empty your pockets if you buy ten figures in a single purchase. Be sure to manage and sort your finances before pursuing any hobby to confirm you can afford it. You can do this in a checkbook, on a spreadsheet, or computer software. You can also conduct price checks in art supplies stores or an Action Figure Price Guide to help you determine if your budget can cover your hobby. No matter the method, you’ll thank yourself in the long run and have the freedom to do what you love without breaking the bank.
Searching for joy feels like an act of defiance in a world that would rather I, and other women like me, have none. That choice to choose happiness above everything else is the impetus behind our Find the Fun theme this year and the reason we’re still here pushing through all the murk that is 2020 — and for me personally, the last ten years of my life.
The Black Woman’s Lament™ is a song that’s been wailed from the fringes of society for generations. Living is hard and there are rarely easy answers to the many problems we face, especially when those problems are created and perpetuated by a system that gathers its strength from our submission and pain. Being weary is a part of the story; it’s not the whole story nor is it the part that we want our lives defined by. Fannie Lou Hamer famously said, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Me too, Ms. Fannie. There hasn’t been a better way to sum it up since 1964.
Luckily, my community saves me every single day. We check on each other asking “Sis, are you okay, really?” both knowing we’re not, but we’re trying anyway. Admitting we don’t feel strong and want to shrink away from the duties we have to be friends, lovers, sister, daughters, activists. We shout for the right to simply exist.
I have a Pinterest board titled Unbothered which serves as the entry to a fantasy world of Black women living at peace, smiling, and doing mundane things. That’s a tiny illustration of how much I long for us to be left alone. Being free to do whatever is enough of a fantasy to warrant a mood board about it. Damn. Y’all. That’s — I’m not asking for much! Yet, I sit here in this reality knowing that moments like that are fleeting.
If I have to escape for a while in my imagined world for some respite, I do so unashamedly.
I put on some good records, maybe cook up a delicious meal, have a soak in the tub, play in my hair, or watch Black Cinderella (I have the DVD but you can watch it here) for the 900th time. It may sound like your run-of-the-mill self care day, but for me it’s much deeper than that. I’m going to be happy whether the world likes it or not, damn it.
It may not be enough and I find it difficult to give advice when I’m still figuring this out for myself; but if you can find some spot of peace, embrace it with everything you’ve got. Look into therapy if you haven’t already. Therapy For Black Girls has an incredible network of providers and a bomb podcast too. Forgive yourself for not always feeling up to the challenge to take on the world. Give yourself grace when you fall short of your own expectations. And finally, love yourself deeply and with all the wild abandon you can muster.
Because music can communicate things that are otherwise hard to say, here’s a Spotify playlist for you. It’s all Black women from a range of eras and music genres that I think are worth a listen. Put it on when you want to feel free and easy. Tell us what songs you’d like or what songs you’d like to add in the comments.
